Not a whole lot to write on.  Amy and I recently purchased another coffee table, Isaac got trapped behind a cabinet yesterday (for god knows how long),  I've been going to the gym at 11:30pm this week, my car battery died a couple of weeks ago, Box Elder bugs have invaded the house, and I still hate Martha Stewart.

Top 20
Completely Useless Inventions

20. Non stick Cellotape

19. Solar Powered Flash Light (torch)

18. A black highlighter pen

17. Glow in the dark sunglasses

16. Inflatable Anchor

15. Smooth Sandpaper

14. Waterproof sponge

13. Waterproof Teabags

12. AC adapter for Solar powered calculators

11. Fireproof Matches

10. Fireproof Cigarettes

9. Battery powered Battery Charger

8. Seatbelts for Motorbikes

7. Hand powered Chainsaw

6. Inflatable Dartboard

5. Silent Alarm Clock

4. A Pedal powered wheelchair

3. Braille Drivers Manual

2. Double sided playing cards

1. Ejector seats for Helicopters

Top 24 Things
You Woudn't Know Without the Movies

24. It's easy for anyone to land a plane, providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.

23. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba diving.

22. During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.

21. All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.

20. The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty.

19. If your town is threatened by an imminent natural disaster or killer beast, the mayor's first concern will be the tourist trade or his forthcoming art exhibition.

18. When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take out a bill - just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.

17. Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering a kitchen at night, you should open the fridge door and use that light instead.

16. Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment.

15. A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of Wembley Stadium.

14. Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.

13. It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting.

12. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.

11. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.

10. Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.

9. An electric fence powerful enough to kill a dinosaur will cause no lasting damage to an eight-year-old child.

8. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.

7. It is not necessary to say hello or goodbye when beginning or ending phone conversations.

6. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.

5. Even when driving down a perfectly straight road it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.

4. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.

3. You're very likely to survive any battle in any war - unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.

2. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

1. If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St. Patrick's Day parade -- at any time of the year.

Children's Books You'll Never See

"You Were an Accident"

"Strangers Have the Best Candy"

"The Little Sissy Who Snitched"

"Some Kittens Can Fly!"

"The Protocols of the Grandpas of Zion"

"How to Dress Sexy for Grownups"

"Getting More Chocolate on Your Face"

"Where Would You Like to Be Buried?"

"Where's God at?"

"Katy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her"

"The Attention Deficit Disorder Association's Book of Wild Animals of North Amer- Hey! Let's Go Ride Our Bikes!"

"All Dogs Go to Hell"

"The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking"

"When Mommy and Daddy Don't Know the Answer They Say God Did It"

"Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia"

"What Is That Dog Doing to That Other Dog?"

"Why Can't Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?"

"Bi-Curious George"

"Daddy Drinks Because You Cry"

"Mister Policeman Eats His Service Revolver"

"You Are Different and That's Bad"

Good Country Songs

Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth 'Cause I'm Kissing You Goodbye

Her Teeth was Stained, But Her Heart Was Pure

How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?

I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling

I Just Bought A Car From The Guy That Stole My Girl, But The Car Don't Run So I Figure We Got An Even Deal

I Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About You

I Liked You Better Before I Knew You So Well

I Still Miss You, Baby, But My Aim's Gettin' Better

I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dog Fight, 'Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win

I'll Marry You Tomorrow, But Let's Honeymoon Tonight

I'm So Miserable Without You, It's Like Havin' You Here

I've Got Tears In My Ears From Lyin' On My Back and Cryin' Over You

If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You

If I Had Shot You When I Wanted To, I'd Be Out By Now

Mama, Get A Hammer (There's A Fly On Papa's Head)

My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, And I Don't Love You

My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend, And I Sure Do Miss Him

Please Bypass This Heart

She Got The Ring And I Got The Finger

You Done Tore Out My Heart And Stomped That Sucker Flat

You're The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly

If The Phone Don't Ring, You'll Know It's Me

She's Actin' Single, And I'm Drinkin' Doubles

She's Lookin' Better After Every Beer

I Haven't Gone To Bed With Any Ugly Women, But I've Sure Woke Up With A Few

Yes, I'm afraid I am going to have to plagiarize Chris's idea and do a list on things about me.  I actually started writing something serious last night, but it didn't have much direction, so I scrapped it.   This list is short but, oh well.  

1.                  My height is 6' 2"

2.                  I used to have really long bleach blond hair.

3.                  I used to sometimes wear black makeup on the weekends    when going dancing (scary but true).

4.                  I like a variety of music styles.  Everything from Classic Rock to  Industrial to Classical to Techno to heavy metal to 80s synthpop.

5.                  My three favorite movies of all time are The Crow, Interview with  the Vampire, and Fight Club.

6.                  My favorite quote from Fight Club is, "We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won't. And we're slowly learning that fact... and we're very, very pissed off."

7.                  My favorite quote of all time is by Abraham Lincoln:  "We are not  enemies, but friends.  We must not be enemies.  Though passion may have strained, it must not break our bonds of affection.  The mystic chords of memory, stretching from every battlefield and patriot grave to every living heart and hearthstone all over this broad land will yet swell the chorus of the Union, when gain touched, as  surely they will be, by the better angels of our nature.

8.                  My favorite colors are blue and black.

9.                  My favorite foods are Thai and Sushi

10.              My favorite non-alcoholic drink is chocolate milk

11.              My favorite alcoholic drink is vodka (straight or with club soda)

12.              My least favorite alcoholic drink is Jagermeister

13.              My least favorite bands are Counting Crows , Matchbox     Twenty, and Barenaked Ladies (sorry Deb.

14.              I play the drums.  I've been playing since I was 13

15.              I cannot stand compulsive liars; specifically people who make up entire stories about themselves in hopes of looking impressive.  Compulsive lying should be considered a felony punishable by placing the person's open mouth over a curb and having someone stomp on the back of their head.

16.              I had (perhaps still have) a slight anxiety disorder. 

17.              I am always wondering if I'll develop some disease and be dead in 6 months.

18.              I don't read books as often as I would like.  For me, reading an entire book is a major accomplishment.  

19.              The only sport I actually enjoy watching on TV is NBA basketball

20.              My favorite time of year is mid spring through early summer.